Things I'll Never Have
by C. C. Cr0ss
Summary: "I stared at her, expecting her words, I wanted her to tell me the truth, to understand that the world wasn t all happy. Even bloody better, that it was unfair. That it was stupidly twisted. Just like I was…" T 'cause I m paranoid. Alois x Lizzie One Shot


_Thing's I'll Never Have…_

* * *

><p>I stared blankly at her; she kept smiling even though tears flowed freely down her face, she didn't do anything, not the smallest sob was heard, she just stood there crying, trying to be strong.<p>

I couldn't understand her.

She was so… childish, so happy about everything, so… _pure_. And yet… it seemed like she was always sad about something.

_You're making things up._

A voice, too familiar echoed in the back of my head. Was it my mind again? I really don't know… I have forgotten how my common dense used to sound. As if I had completely forgotten it…

It was cold that night and it was windy. Her black gown moved freely with the wind, her hair fell to her sides, moving slightly with the contact of the wind. I watched as she closed her eyes, breathing in and breathing out; I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong.

I could have walked away, walk past her and leave her crying, maybe a little mocking would be fun, but… what was stopping me?

Maybe it was her tear-filled eyes or her melancholic expression -, maybe it was that we both had been 'rejected' in some way (but rejected anyway) by Ciel. Maybe it was how cute she looked with her hair completely down reaching her middle back, or how her gown didn't seemed to be similar to that red one I met her with…

It was… different, _she was different._

She held her gaze on the floor as she sobbed as if there was no tomorrow, her shoulders moved to the pace her heartbeat as it started ached…

_You can feel it too?_

_Yes… I do_

_You are so freaking weak…_

I couldn't move, I didn't want to, I kept on watching her. She was on her hands and knees, holding her chest, trying to bear with the pain. I couldn't help but notice my heart beat had _increased_.

I didn't understand why…

And it was odd how I had the sudden urge to go near her, comfort her… she seemed so fragile… _yet she was so strong._

She looked back at me. I could see in her eyes she hoped that no one saw her like this. But her gaze stopped on me, I smiled as kindly as I could. I knew it was a very, very touchy subject. I didn't take a step closer but I didn't retreat, I just stood there kind-of hoping she would give me the chance to get close to her.

_She smiled back_… I guessed at the time it was a good sign. She patted the grass beside her and turned her face around, hugging her own knees in an attempt to keep herself warm. I walked towards her, and after a second thought my mind spoke again:

_She's going to turn into your debility, don't do it!_

_And, what if I want her to be my debility?_

_Just. Don't!_

I left my mind mumbling incoherent things as I sat beside her, we were silent, she didn't complain, she didn't move, she just sobbed every once in a while.

-What's got you like this? -I asked, very much to her surprise… and my own too.

-It's not like it's something _new_…-She said tiredly.

-Is it something about_ him_?

-How would you know?

-There are things people keep as a secret, lady Middleford. But _this…_

-These are things known by everyone… _I know_, Alois. -I sighed slightly, she trembled to the contact of the wind on her skin.

I took off my jacket, and offered it to her saying:

-_A pretty lady like you, shouldn't be risked to catch the flu, even better, she shouldn't be shaking._

Blushing, she accepted the cloth and placed it over her shoulders, holding it softly.

-I wouldn't like to say it was _obvious_… -She continued.

I stared at her, expecting her words, I wanted her to tell me the truth, to understand that the world wasn't all happy. Even bloody better, that it was unfair. That it was stupidly twisted.

_Just like I was…_

-But even _I_ could notice…

-I think the only ones that never noticed were both of them…

-Maybe… maybe Ciel didn't. I'm pretty sure Sebastian did, though; I saw all those… _flirty_ glances they shot at each other. At first it saddened me, but I... managed to lie and pretend that there was nothing going between them both, making a perfect fantasy to live in. Ciel and I would get married and have children of our own, _Sebastian would stay in his place as a butler_ and you… wouldn't be _pestering_ him all the time.

I was utterly shocked… how could she, _of all people_, notice?

-I... I know you're shocked, so I was that time when you took me out to dance. _You knew_ I didn't want to dance and yet you smiled brightly at me, trying to make me believe you sought for it, but I knew… you just wanted to make _him_ feel jealous.

I saw her trembling a little bit, everything was cold… _but nothing as cold as her words_…

Her happiness was an _act;_ her actions were all _a bloody lie_. Her… porcelain doll sensibility was _faked_. Her bright smiles were a bloody _story!_

We had _so_ much in common.

-It didn't quite work… _right?_ He loves me but not in _that_ way…

My eyes softened at her words, the weakest smile plastered on my face. Her voice cleared my thoughts… after all it was the first time I had actually listened to what a person had to say… And it was not for self-interest this time.

Odd enough? _Funnier_, I believe I was starting to fall for her…

-I'm his fiancée, but I don't feel like I am -She hesitated -. It's like, he's pretending to like me... he loves me but only as a sister.

-You could do better- I said, and instantly blushed, I stared at her from the corner of my eye... she was blushing, too.

She hugged her own knees as she slightly fixed her hair and clothes. She smiled at me, muttering a soft 'Thank You', with those big eyes of her shut. I could notice she was happy then. She held my jacket close to her body, it was odd how I wasn't cold at all. She stared at me, then, she…

_She was quite the pretty one._

-_Thank you_, Alois…

_-I beg your pardon?_

-Thank you… for listening.

She stood right after and she hopped all the way back to the Mannor I could feel myself smiling. Slightly fixing my clothes I stood up. I was blushing madly; my heartbeat had increased even more… _Goddammit_ I believe I was starting to like her more than necessary. She was so free…

_Freedom. You'll never have that._

Maybe it was that why I started to like her that much. Stupid mind of mine, _Isn't it_? It always gave the answers maybe a _little too late_. I liked her because of her freedom, something I would never ever have…

_I had sold out my soul to a demon,_ that was the only truth…

I, _Alois Trancy_, had fallen in love with someone that had freedom…

_Even better! I had fallen in love with someone I could never have!_

**_FIN_**

* * *

><p>I actually am an Alois x Elizabeth supporter, thank you very much.<p>

So freaking ridiculous. Meh, anyway. Review?

Oh! and if there are gramatical errors or something like that, Mind to tell? (Thanks to Amber Phantomhive! ^^ for helping me out last time!)

Hehe, anyway.

Sincerely Yours:

C.C. Cr0ss

[By the way, Kuroshitsuji/Moonoshitsuji is owned by Yana Toboso~]


End file.
